Planning a Wedding with Schizophrenia (Featuring Michelle Hammer)
- Jessica Levey
- 12 minutes ago
- 10 min read
10 tips to make wedding planning less stressful, plus advice for avoiding triggers on the wedding day! Featuring insights from Mental Health Advocate Michelle Hammer.
If you’re engaged to someone with schizophrenia or have the disorder yourself, and are planning a wedding together – this resource is for you! This short guide includes simple suggestions to help make wedding planning less stressful, plus advice from mental health advocate Michelle Hammer on how to avoid triggers on the wedding day – so that you and your partner can focus on having fun and celebrating the start of your next chapter.
“My biggest advice would be to remember that your wedding day is supposed to be enjoyable, not a test you have to pass.” (Michelle Hammer)
10 Tips for Planning a Wedding with Schizophrenia
1. Create a Routine and Stick to It
It’s easy to let thoughts of wedding planning creep into every minute of the day, but excitement can quickly turn to overwhelm – and stress can make schizophrenia symptoms worse. That’s why routines are so important to maintain in the days and months leading up to your wedding. Routines can help keep stress levels lower, improve working memory, and even reduce executive function overload, to help you keep doing the things you enjoy, safely!
A few suggestions to stop “wedding planning creep” from disrupting your routines are:
Schedule a weekly wedding planning date with your partner, and stick to it
Create a shared document for topics to talk about during your next date – add to it during the week if you need to, but save decisions and details for your date
Prioritize showing up for your existing commitments and routines on other days, and enjoy them!
2. Don’t Forget to Take Your Meds
Medication compliance is your not-so-secret weapon for managing your mental health and symptoms during this exciting time in life, and for staying present on the wedding day itself. Even if you’re usually pretty good about staying on top of your meds schedule, you might find that pre-wedding excitement, stress, and a shift in daily or weekly activities can make med compliance feel more challenging.
Consider helpful strategies to stay on top of your medication schedule:
Use a day-of-the-week pill organizer, or a “smart pill box” with a built in alarm or app interface you have to interact with
Pair medication time with something you do everyday, like brushing your teeth, feeding a pet, or eating a morning/evening meal.
Write a note to yourself and leave it next to something you use every day, like a bathroom mirror, cell phone, or coffee maker
Turn the pill bottle upside down after you take your pills, then turn it upright at the end of the day as a reminder to start fresh tomorrow
Ask a loved one or your partner for helping remembering your medication/s
3. Keep Your Wedding Simple & Intimate
Keep your wedding plan as simple as you need to – this might mean eloping at the courthouse, planning a sweet backyard ceremony with close friends, keeping the celebration super short, choosing an all-inclusive wedding package at a hotel, or having a simple “make it legal” signing ceremony followed by dinner at your favorite restaurant.
Don’t feel obligated to plan a traditional celebration that requires a thousand tiny decisions to make happen. The stress of making so many decisions can lead to symptom breakthrough, so consider prioritizing just one or two special elements that are essential to you and your partner’s enjoyment of the day, and skip the rest. After all, all you really need on the wedding day is a marriage license, a wedding officiant, your partner, and the people closest to you.
Real-World Insight from Michelle:Q: What was the most stressful part of wedding planning for you as someone with schizophrenia? A: "For me, it wasn't one specific part of wedding planning, it was the constant decision-making. Schizophrenia can make decision-making feel overwhelming, and suddenly I had hundreds of them to make. It wasn't that choosing flowers or a venue was hard on its own, but when you add everything together, it became mentally exhausting. What helped was keeping things as simple as possible and leaning on people I trusted. I reminded myself that not every decision had to be perfect. I also made sure to stick to my routine, take my medication, and give myself permission to take breaks from wedding planning when it started to feel like too much. In the end, protecting my mental health was more important than having a "perfect" wedding." |
4. Lean on Your Loved Ones for Support
Whether you’re engaged to someone with schizophrenia, or someone with schizophrenia yourself, one thing’s for sure – life is better when you lean on your partner and community for support! Marriage is all about sharing the joys and challenges of life with the person you love – and wedding planning is a wonderful opportunity to strengthen the communication and collaboration skills you’ll use in the years to come.
Asking friends and family members for support is important too! Give your community a chance to participate in planning, delegate tasks, and lean on the people who love you.
Everyone’s support needs will look different, but here are a few suggestions on how to lean on others while planning, and on the wedding day itself:
Ask a close loved one to organize rideshare options for out of town wedding guests, so you don’t have to stress over logistics
Ask your partner to send you silly memes or love notes on stressful days as a mood boost
Schedule “recharge hours” with your partner, and plan activities that restore you, whether that’s time apart / alone, "parallel play,” exercise classes, outdoor activities, video games, etc. Honor these hours!
Ask your partner or a close friend to meal prep with you, so that you have healthy food options in the days leading up to the wedding
Create an “exit plan” with your partner and a close friend for the wedding day, in case you need to head out early – your friend can handle guest logistics while you and your partner make an easy exit
If you’re having the wedding at home, plan a pre-wedding cleaning party with friends and relatives for help getting your space into shape for the celebration.
5. Schedule Breaks
Give yourself permission to take breaks from wedding planning, and on the wedding day itself. In the months leading up to your wedding, it’s easy for excitement to topple over into overwhelm, or to feel like you need to get everything booked and sorted all at once. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself! It’s ok to put planning aside for a few days, rest, and enjoy ordinary “no-wedding-talk” time by yourself or with your partner.
On the wedding day itself, plan quiet time and alone time into the celebration from the beginning, so that it's built in and easier to enjoy.
A few ways to schedule quiet time into the wedding day include:
Exchange private vows before the ceremony as an intimate moment without guests
Scheduling 30-45 minutes of couple time after the ceremony, to relax and reflect after the ceremony, before heading to the reception (this is a great time to change into comfy clothes, too!)
Arrange private plates of food for you and your partner to eat alone after the ceremony, before you head to the reception, so you can take meds if you need to, decompress, and then head into the party without feeling hungry
Choose a sweetheart table for your wedding reception, so that you and your partner can sit and talk separately from guests during dinner
Create a “quiet room” for you and your guests to visit as often as needed throughout the day; add headphones, earplugs, soft lighting, grounding objects, magazines, and comfy seating options to reduce sensory overload
Book a silent DJ, keep formal toasts and speeches to a minimum, and consider soft, indirect and uniform lighting for a pleasant reception space
Use a “goodbye board,” where guests can write their goodbyes to you when they leave instead of coming up individually throughout the event to say they’re leaving
6. If It’s in the Wedding Budget, Outsource It!
Weddings can get expensive fast. But if it’s in the budget, consider paying for help in the areas you need it most, maybe hiring a wedding planner or wedding coordinator to take care of the dozens of minute details for you, or buying an all-inclusive wedding venue package that comes with pre-selected decor, in-house vendors, and all the equipment you’ll need for you and your guests. Professional options like these can help connect you with top-notch vendors, lower decision-making pressures, and organize almost anything you can dream up for your celebration.
Honestly, if the budget’s there, you can outsource and delegate almost any wedding task under the sun – from hiring a wedding content creator, to personal shoppers, wake-up services, pet doulas (to care for pets on the wedding day), wedding registry curators, virtual assistants, thank you note writers, rental pick-up and return couriers, and more. But these specialty services definitely cost extra, and they’re “nice to haves,” not “need to haves.” So if they're not possible, don't sweat it - you don't have to do anything perfectly. Your best is more than enough!
7. Don’t Aim for “Perfection”
That's right, you don't have to do anything perfectly on the wedding day. In fact, we doubt any wedding in history has ever gone exactly the way it was planned to. There's always something unexpected! And those surprises and imperfections will probably make the best wedding stories in the years to come. Your wedding probably won't be "perfect" – and if you’re lucky, it won’t be the best day of your life, either – because you have so many more “best days” to look forward to in your marriage!
So enjoy the moment, celebrate this awesome milestone with your sweetheart, and embrace the imperfectly magical day.
Real-World Insight from Michelle:Q: What were the biggest factors for you and your partner when deciding the size, type, and location of your wedding? A: “My wife and I wanted our wedding to feel relaxed and meaningful instead of overwhelming. Keeping stress low was a big priority for me because I know that too much stress can make my schizophrenia symptoms harder to manage. We kept things simple, focused on celebrating with the people we love most, and didn't feel pressured to do everything a traditional wedding is "supposed" to have. At the end of the day, we wanted to spend our energy enjoying the moment and each other, not worrying about putting on a perfect event.” |
8. Create an Event That Centers Your Comfort
Plan a wedding that’s built around you and your partner’s needs! That might mean keeping the day short and simple, scheduling quiet time throughout the day, or limiting the guest list to just your closest friends and family members. It could mean skipping formal wear and choosing casual, comfortable clothes instead, or planning a plated dinner with servers instead of a chaotic buffet line.
Take time to think about what will make you and your partner feel most comfortable, and create the day you really want, so that you can focus on celebrating with each other.
9. Communicate With Your Partner
Open, honest communication is the foundation of a strong and happy marriage, and wedding planning is the perfect place to practice it! When you have schizophrenia, or are marrying someone who does, being on the same page about mental health with your partner is a huge asset. Your partner is your teammate for life, so take time to check in with each other regularly to check in on how you’re feeling, what’s stressing you most about the wedding day, and things you can include (or avoid) to help limit stress on the wedding.
Here are some conversation starters to consider:
Share your early warning signs of stress or symptom breakthrough with your partner, so you both know what to look out for.
Decide together which elements of the wedding day are non-negotiable – things you’ll definitely include or definitely avoid for both of your comforts.
Create an exit plan for when you or your partner want to leave the celebration early, or need to slip away to a quiet area for a break \
Talk about potential stressors or triggers as openly as possible together, and lean on your loved ones for support
10. Remember, Your Wedding is About Enjoying Each Other!
At the end of the day, remember that your wedding is a celebration of your relationship, not a test of your planning skills! It’s super easy to get swept up in social media trends or traditional expectations of what a wedding is "supposed" to look like. But your mental health comes first, and this day is for YOU!
Like Michelle says, give yourself permission to celebrate in a way that makes you and your partner feel your best, so that you start married life happy, healthy, and just the way you want to.
Happy wedding day!!!
Real-World Insight from Michelle:Q: What are one or two pieces of advice you would give a friend with schizophrenia who’s planning their own wedding this year, to make things enjoyable, safe, manageable, even-more-awesome? A: “My biggest advice would be to remember that your wedding day is supposed to be enjoyable, not a test you have to pass. Communicate with your partner about what helps you feel comfortable and what situations might be stressful. Don't be afraid to build in breaks, quiet time, or an escape plan if things become overwhelming. For me, having a routine, taking my medication, and knowing I can step away when I need to, helps me handle big events. I would also say don't get caught up trying to create the "perfect" wedding. The most important part is celebrating your relationship with the person you love. Make the day work for your mental health, whether that means a smaller wedding, a shorter event, fewer people, or having trusted people around who understand you. Taking care of yourself doesn't take away from the celebration, it helps you actually be present for it.” |
"Michelle Hammer is a schizophrenia activist, artist, speaker, and founder of Schizophrenic.NYC, a mental health clothing and lifestyle brand dedicated to reducing stigma. Diagnosed with schizophrenia at age 22, Michelle uses her lived experience to educate audiences through public speaking, media appearances, and advocacy. Her work has been featured by WebMD, ABC, NBC, CBS, Mashable, Buzzfeed, and more, and she has spoken at Harvard University and delivered a TEDx talk in the Netherlands." Michelle sells her personal artwork exclusively on Schizophrenic.NYC. CLICK HERE to see it! Michelle also has an extensive collection of videos on YouTube, where she talks about her life with schizophrenia and interviews other people involved in mental health advocacy. CLICK HERE to watch Michelle's videos!
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